How to Train Loneliness

The Lady headed up to Seattle for a visit with Moms while she’s on spring break. Meanwhile I sit here, banging my head against the keyboard, trying to write a resume that might actually get me hired. That means I spent last night, not doing dishes, eating in front of the TV and watching the awfully boring Yell for Cadel DVD (lamest cycling movie ever). The cats were also there (they decided it was better to stay in, since tonight the three of us are going to get drunk as hell) but they aren’t the most talkative of  company. I also went to bed at quarter after nine, but that’s because I’m a baller.

Sounds like it could be lonely (my title might have also given that away) but it wasn’t. Time alone, to not worry about dishes or my lack of any real prospects, can give one a chance to think things through as it were. Most of us spend so much time around other people either at work or at home that we often don’t make time for ourselves. Some people I know seem to get along ok like that, I on the other hand go crazy and become an insufferable prick.

I was thinking of all these things the other day when I came across a great bit about the virtues of training alone. Being that it came from a site dedicated to smart training the thrust of the post was about monitoring the training, and being secure and smart enough to do the work on your own without someone else setting the agenda. It was with those things in mind  that I skipped out on the team computrainer session last night. First off it was a beautiful day out and the thought of riding inside while the sun was out was killing me. There is also that fact that I’m on a slightly different training schedule than most of my teammates, and needed to be doing other things. Like I said in my last post, I haven’t been sticking to the plan and that’s left me with a pretty dull knife. Or since the image of a gun and bullets seems to be more popular among the cycle racing set I’ll say I’m firing a .22 as opposed to a gun of a much higher caliber. Let’s say I’d like to be firing a .50 cal Desert Eagle with hollow points and not a lowly .22.

It’s taking me a long time to get to my point (damn I’m wordy today), so here it is. Training alone not only gives me the space to manage the workload. I also have the space to deal with the mental shit that needs to be worked out. I know that a while back I wrote about the virtues of doing long rides with a group. However I still do (and have always done) most of my training alone. At first that was because I didn’t really know anyone else, and while its still not easy to find riding partners I do have people who I can train with. I just prefer to do most of it alone. It’s my time.

I learned the hard way that it’s bad form to work through your personal issues when your in the gym with a bunch of other people. I’ve screamed, dropped weights, and blown up, all the public sphere. Because of that I’ve been ridiculed and yelled at by management. Not that any of that bothers me.

When the lady and I lived at the Fancy Private school I would go to the gym late because I knew I would be alone. I could yell and scream, drop weights and other wise bury myself. It was in those moments that I could see myself clearly and make clear rational decisions, not only about my training, but also about my life. Yesterday was the same. In the clearheadedness that comes from a good effort I could see the reasons for some of the life decisions I’ve been making. BREAKTHROUGH! Cheaper than a trip to the therapist I tell you, cheaper than a therapist.

Of course there is the other mental aspect. If you can dig deep while no one is watching, you’ll know what its like to throw your self into the hurt locker when it really matters.

I wonder if the PROs ever wish they could train alone. Though it must be nice to train with spare wheels and someone else carrying your food.


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