half formed thoughts.

I’m coming down from the buzz of my last Aerobic TT test. It didn’t go as well as I would have hoped. I kind of knew this was coming. Over the last few weeks I’ve kinda run out of gas. I was thinking that I was maybe a bit over trained, but looking back what I’ve been up to these last few weeks I would say that I’m not over trained, but under recovered.

This is a bad spot to be in and I’ve got to work on pulling that stuff together so I can achieve some of my goals. Recovery is the most important part of training, with out proper attention to it your screwed. Next week starts the build phase of my training and with it comes a big increase in intensity. Pulling the elements of good recovery will be crucial to my success.

When I reached the word goals in the above paragraph I almost wrote “dreams”, but that’s not true, dreams give you room to cop-out. That’s not to say dreams aren’t valid. They are! I dream of one day living off the words I write, but I’m a long way from that and hence it’s a dream. Just pulling in some money this year is a goal, which is something that is achievable in a shorter time frame.

Of course all of this is dependent on your mind set and I’m pretty sure that if you look in the history of this blog you’ll find that my mind set in undeniably dark. Though in my waking, non-writing life I do my best to cover it up with humor and general goofiness. Maybe “cover it up” isn’t the right way to put it. The darker mindset is just something that’s under the surface.

That darker mindset is where this next idea comes from. I think that in order to reach these goals you need to break yourself. Break yourself of the habits that hold you back. For me that’s sweets, and more importantly a life of following the impulse to quit. I’ve witnessed, and writing about how your mind throws calls for you to quit when it hurts. The same is true for anything that stretches your comfort zone. For me that means denying myself something I’ve always freely indulged in. At various times it’s meant quiting drinking, forcing myself to write more, or like now, actually sitting down and writing that fucking query.

I think I missed the mark here. I’m going to have to think through this some more and make my thoughts a bit more concrete. Till then stick with me until I can pump out some more quality work.

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