The Questions….Unaswered.

Damn it. I had a post ready to go, but when I logged back in and clicked on the draft the paged loaded without the content I had so lovingly placed in this empty white box.  So now I’m starting over, hoping to catch of bit of what I was trying to get at.

Perhaps this is a good thing. What was here was a tad bit disjointed. Right now my thoughts are kinda all over the place.  My temp gig ended at noon on Friday and of course they don’t have anything else for me at the moment. So Signe and are going to take the next two days to go camping near the Bagby hot springs.

I’m normally not all for car camping, but it’s nice from time to time and we can use the time to de-stress a little.  We’re in the opening process of moving again, thinking of new places, what kind of apartment we want. Move to a place where the land lord doesn’t just stop by whenever she wants and spends the entire day (in her swimming suit). Move to a place we don’t have to share with a roommate who keeps strange hours, never leaves the house and drops passive aggressive notes on the kitchen counter.  (By “never leaves the house” I mean that quite literally, she never leaves the house, twice in the last two months! TWICE!!)

The Lady is still working her way through the maze of school cutbacks and licensing BS that is finding a teaching job. Leaving us with questions about where we’ll be headed. I once said that I needed to be near the mountains, but now I’m starting to question that.

(This is where the missing post started)

I haven’t been in the mountains in two months.  Not since my toes got the frosty bite. That’s a long time for someone who fancies themselves and alpine gumby. (I will never call myself an “alpine climber” I don’t belong in that group of giants!). It’s not that I’m scared to go back there.  It just hasn’t happened.  Partnerships have run their course, other partners got jobs (and engaged!) and I actually worked full time for period.

I have been climbing, and training during this time, but things just haven’t been the same.  I think that if I went over my training logs for the last few weeks I’d see that I’ve spent more time in a bike saddle than at the crag, or gym.  The other day I even stopped climbing after only climbing six routes or so.  I spent the rest of the time “coaching” my good friend Chris on a V2 boulder problem.  I was more excited about his success than I was climbing myself.

That was Friday afternoon, and since then I’ve been asking myself some serious questions about my motivation, why I have such a hard time pushing myself and where my stoke is currently.  I haven’t found the answers to these questions yet and it would be fair to say that I’ve been actively ignoring them.  The lonely white pages in my journal attest to that.

This has come out of nowhere, or maybe it hasn’t and its been laying under the surface for some time.  Who knows. I’m not going to make any rash decisions. But the I still need to ask myself these things and spend time really thinking through the answers.

It happened innocently enough. A bike fell into my lap and I jumped at it, excited about not having to take the bus anymore.  Then the frostbite came.  Before I knew it I was pulling on my old spin jersey and setting out on progressively longer rides, seeking new places and punishing climbs (note: found a great one today!). But I guess this is how these things start.

By the time this post hits the streets we’ll be on chilling outside a tent, reading, writing, hiking, and enjoying our time away from our house, job applications and our computers.

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