Little spots of light are forming in front of my eyes. They fly diagonally up and to the right before disappearing into the ceiling tiles. My chest heaves as I try to fill my lungs with air. I slowly become conscious of the music blaring through the speakers, filling this tiny space with heavy beats. The nausea is starting to subside. This is what I’m good at, self induced suffering. These moments are my best. I’ve dropped the excuses I use to justify my failures and I slowly work toward my own salvation.
I know that when it comes down to it every mile run, every weight lifted and every crimped hold moves me closer to my goal. Making me stronger, mentally and physically. In those rare quiet moments between training sessions and actual climbs I wonder what comes first; The strength or the will to achieve ones goals.
“When a person trains once, nothing happens. When a person forces himself to do a thing a hundred or a thousand times, then he certainly has developed in more ways than physical. Is it raining? That doesn’t matter. Am I tired? That doesn’t matter, either. Then willpower will be no problem.” — Emil Zatopek
After hours of contemplating this I still don’t know. What I do know is that it doesn’t really matter what comes first. Experience has taught me that the hours spent in the gym are good for something. If you are willing to push past your breaking point you will be rewarded for all of the suffering you forced yourself to endure. But only if you are willing to be honest with yourself.
What comes to me long after the work out is over is the question. How can I push myself beyond what I thought I was capable of in this small room or on this insignificant rock and not in my “everyday life”. Maybe that’s the problem. Breaking them into separate realms. Shouldn’t they be the same? They are all part of life.
Lately I haven’t been asking the best of myself. This leaves me antys, disappointed, and angry. This the main cause for my recent failures. I’ve only truly started training in the last two weeks. It will take a couple weeks to for me to get back all that I’ve lost. The first round of intense training paid dividends, but I pissed it away on Smith sport routes. Here’s to taking a bigger bite this time.